This is what I said at the funeral for Mom, the morning of April 23, 2012 at Bethany Christian Reformed Church, Fenwick, Ontario.
Until a few days ago, our family was eight. Now we are seven. Mom is the first person on the Veenema side of all our families to pass away. I've been asked to share some memories of Mom and what I have done is try to put together some of the things we have often talked about when we remember the years gone by.
First of all I want to thank everyone for all you've done to make today happen. Our family is very grateful that so many of you are able to join us this morning to remember our mom and to say good bye to her.
Among our family too: People flew in from far away. You took time off work. John and Demet bought Dad a very nice outfit. Barb made all kinds of arrangements for yesterday's visitation and for the services today. We're all very grateful for all that Barb and her family have done during the past ten years or so to look after Mom: countless trips to see Mom and Dad; and many, many hours of spending time with them, making sure they got to their appointments, and that they had all they needed. Reinie and John making many trips to see Mom and Dad as the months and years unfolded – spending many afternoons with our parents. And the grandchildren, often came to cheer up Pake and Beppe with a smile, a story, or a funny comment. Competing for who is the favourite granddaughter. These kinds of things are so important and all of us will always remember the kindness you have been showing to Mom and Dad and sharing with them.
My earliest memories of mom are her cooking over a wood stove in Nova Scotia, and of providing us with meals around the family table. As time went on, other memories accumulated. Many of them were of Mom struggling with poor health, frequent migraines and stays in the hospital.
Dad and mom left Holland for Canada right after they were married in 1952. Sometimes we would joke that they were still on their honeymoon. And in this country, they had really, two sets of children. Three in Nova Scotia, and three here in Ontario.
Many of our memories of Mom are about how she was always there for Dad and how she took care of us kids, especially if she felt we are in trouble. Of course, there are the many meal times that we remember and also the dreaded houten leppel.
Mom was generous. Up until the last days when Mom was still able to have her own apartment, whenever I would visit, she would make sure that I always left with a couple of oranges, a bun, or some almond fingers. She always seemed to have on hand some nick nacks or some used things, or things she had maybe bought in a dollar store to give away in case we needed it. Later in life I wondered if this is something that her mom, Beppe Rinske, always did too – having things new or used to give to relatives who might need them.
Mom was a hard worker.
I remember that in Nova Scotia she cleaned house for my grade one teacher. This would have been probably 1959. The teacher's name was Mrs. Blenkhorn. I recall that one day Mom took me along to the house. When the cleaning was done, it was time to go home. Mom and I prepared to leave by the side door of the house. But Mrs. Blenkhorn insisted, "Use the front door to go outside. It's much shorter. You will be half way home when you step out the house." I thought this was going to be very interesting. To somehow end up half way down the street just by using a different door of the house. So, I was quite disappointed when we stepped outside and, as far as I could tell, we were nowhere near half way home!
In Ontario, Mom helped us to adjust to life. She made the large yellow house near Dundas into a clean and hospitable home for us. I still love meals with potatoes, green vegetables, gravy, apple sauce and over-cooked meat best of any.
Sometimes while Mom was in the kitchen preparing supper, I would sit on the counter and talk and talk about new thoughts that were coming into my mind. She just listened.
I think that one the very neat life lessons Mom taught us all was that the connections between people, especially family members, were very precious. I think she must have learned this from her own parents.
I learned in later years that Mom did not attend many years of school. She was often too ill to attend classes. And my feeling is that her mom and dad were very kind and affectionate to their little girl. The reason I say that is because Mom loved and respected her mom and dad enormously.
If I am right about this, it explains why mom missed her family and the Friesian village of Beetsterzwaag where she grew up so very much. I will always remember how when her mom and dad, my Pake and Beppe came to visit their daughter in Canada for the first time. The tears of reunion, letting go of all the pain of missing her parents, flowed for a very long time when they saw each other that day in 1964.
One of the things I have realized during these past years is that it is good that whenever possible, family members remain close together, to be there to enjoy happy times together and sad ones too, but mostly to do life together, week by week. This is a value that mom taught us, and we should try to live it out as best as we can.
For my mom, the modern world was not a kind place. Ships took her across thousands of miles of ocean, separating her from her village and family. Canada, a country that embraced modern ways, had too much heavy traffic, and forced Mom's children to go to schools when she would have loved to keep us home a little longer. Mom looked to doctors year after year for relief from her migraines and didn't really get that relief.
Mom was blessed with [a husband who greatly loved her. And in her last years especially she was blessed with very good care, particularly during her final years at Shalom Manor. And although her last year she never really talked much, and never walked, as children we were always grateful that the manor was there for both Mom and Dad.
Last week Barb called us all to say that mom was no longer receiving food or liquids. She said that we should all come to be with her during her final hours. On Friday afternoon we were all there. After a few hours of all being in the room with Mom, we were somehow drawn into a circle of prayer. We held hands with Mom and Dad, we sang quite a few of the old hymns that Pakke and Beppe know so well. And we prayed that Mom would soon be allowed to go to God. A couple of hours later we watched her breathing change, sometimes counting the seconds between breathes. And then there was a deep breath. Forty seconds and still no inhale. Dad held Mom's hand and spoke to her. He lingered with Mom for a long time.
So, now she is with God, and is in peace, waiting like so many others, for the resurrection of the dead, and the renewing of the heavens and the earth. We love you Mom. And when we see you again, all the things that we should not have not have said may be remembered but will soon be put aside and maybe even eventually forgotten. And all the things we would like to have said can be said. Mom will be healed of all that troubled her, and so will we all. And all will be well.
For a number of years I would practice guitar upstairs in my room. I think it got quite loud downstairs. Mom would sometimes say to me, "You know, your playing is very nice, but could you play a little softer?" So, this song, Mom, will be a little softer.
Now the green blade rises from the buried grain
Wheat that in the dark earth many years has lain
Love lives again, that with the dead has been
Love is come again, like wheat that springs up green.
In the grave they laid Him, Love Whom we had slain
Thinking that He’d never wake to life again
Laid in the earth like grain that sleeps unseen
Love is come again, like wheat that springs up green.
Forth he came at Easter, like the risen grain
He that for three days in the grave had lain
Up from the dead my risen Lord is seen
Christ is come again, like wheat a-rising green.
When our hearts are saddened, grieving or in pain
By Your touch You call us back to life again
Fields of our hearts that dead and bare have been
Christ is come again, like wheat a-rising green.